The Weirdest Sex Toys Money Can Buy (And People Actually Do)
I love a Marvel movie. I will absolutely defend fan fiction. I think leaning into fantasy is one of the best parts of being an adult with disposable income and a Wi-Fi connection.
That said: my sex toy drawer is aggressively classic. Sleek silicone, neutral colors, things that could plausibly pass for a weird candle. So when I started digging into the internet’s stranger corners of sex toys—pop culture sleeves, corn dildos, monster lubes, light-up sabers—I was fully in “who is buying this and why” mode.
But weird doesn’t automatically mean useless. Sometimes bizarre is just niche, and niche is where very specific fantasies live. So here’s a tour of sex toys that are doing the absolute most, aesthetically and conceptually, but are still… real, functional objects meant for actual bodies.
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The Boys Ambrosius Masturbation Sleeve
If you’ve watched The Boys and somehow missed this, The Deep canonically falls in love with (and has sex with) a literal octopus named Ambrosius. So yes, this is a licensed stroker inspired by an aquatic side character who got a better romance arc than most Netflix leads.
It’s still a basic masturbation sleeve under the hood—soft, flexible, lube-friendly—but the branding is doing most of the psychological work. There’s something very on-theme about The Boys monetizing one of its weirdest, most cursed subplots and turning it into a product you can actually buy. If your fandom brain and your sex life overlap in a way you’re not interested in unpacking, this one is for you.
by Adam & Eve Belladonna’s Magic Hand
This is not subtle. This is not discreet. This is a giant, hand-shaped toy that exists for people who already know they like bigger sensations and very direct internal pressure.
It also exists for people who treat their toy collection like a museum of extremes. If you’re even curious, this is a slow-burn, heavy-lube, no-ego situation. The concept is wild, but the use case is very real for people who like maximalism in every sense.
Big Corn on the Cob Silicone Dildo
Yes, it’s corn. Yes, it’s a dildo. No, I don’t have answers.
Corn has a genuinely useful design for stimulation—rows, ridges, texture that’s evenly distributed—and this is basically that concept taken from ergonomic to farmers market after dark. It’s body-safe silicone, which means it’s not just a novelty prop, and the shape offers a lot more surface sensation than a smooth toy.
Is it funny? Obviously. Is it also just a bumpy dildo that happens to look like something you’d throw on a grill? Also yes.
Big Corn on the Cob Silicone Dildo (opens in a new window)
The Chicken Emojibator
This is a small personal massager designed around one very specific aesthetic choice: it’s a bright yellow chicken. The point is that it doesn’t look like a serious sex toy, which makes it either perfect or a non-starter depending on your personality.
Under the novelty exterior, it’s meant to function like a straightforward vibe with multiple settings, which makes it an easy add-on for solo or partnered sex. If you’re the kind of person who wants toys to feel playful instead of precious, this fits the brief. Also, it’s the rare bedroom object that can make you laugh before anything even happens.
Creature Cum Jizz Lubricant
This is lube designed to look like sci-fi slime, and I respect the commitment to the bit.
Functionally, it’s a water-based lubricant meant to reduce friction and make bodies and toys cooperate. The difference is purely the fantasy aesthetic, which can be surprisingly effective if roleplay or creature energy is part of what turns you on. If props and roleplay are part of your erotic language, this is a low-commitment way to go full tentacle-core without buying a seven-pound silicone beast.
Creature Cocks King Kong Dildo
Everyone knows the King Kong beats: massive ape, main attraction, the whole “this should not be climbing that building” third act. This toy is basically that energy translated into silicone. It’s big in a way that’s not trying to be subtle or sleek. It’s a spectacle purchase, the kind of thing you don’t hide in a sock drawer so much as assign a shelf.
What keeps it from being pure novelty is that it’s built to actually function like a real toy. The suction base means you can set it up and not spend the whole time trying to wrangle it, and harness compatibility gives it more than one use case beyond “hold it and hope.” If you’re buying King Kong, you’re signing up for a monster movie, and you should pace it like one.
Vibe Saber
A lightsaber is basically the most over-engineered glowing stick in pop culture history, so it was only a matter of time before someone decided it should vibrate. This is literally a light-up saber you can use as a sex toy, which feels less like innovation and more like the inevitable endpoint of adult fandom.
Underneath the glow and spectacle, it’s still just a vibrator with multiple settings and modern charging, but the aesthetics are doing most of the work. There’s something deeply on-brand about turning a childhood sci-fi obsession into a very adult object. If your inner child liked Jedi and your adult self likes orgasms, this is the crossover event you didn’t ask for but absolutely deserve.
Vibe Saber (opens in a new window)
Ryoto the Dragon Cock Ring Grinder
Dragons are basically the original fantasy thirst trap as huge, powerful, and weirdly seductive creatures. This toy leans into that energy, but the real reason it deserves a spot is the format: it’s a grinder setup meant for pressure and rhythm, not a tiny buzz you have to babysit with perfect placement.
The strap system is the quietly smart part because it helps keep stimulation consistent without turning sex into a wrist endurance test. The dragon styling is the flavor, but the function is the point. It’s for people who want their bedroom accessories to look like they came out of a fantasy universe, while still doing something specific and useful once the joke is over.
Ryoto the Dragon Cock Ring Grinder (opens in a new window)
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