Why Ending a Situationship Hurts So Much More Than a Long-Term Breakup

Have you ever wondered why it’s harder to get over your toxic, short-lived situationship than your healthy, loving, long-term relationship? (If you can’t relate, consider yourself lucky.)

Time and time again, I scroll on TikTok and hear countless stories from daters claiming they’re more distraught over someone who won’t actually commit to them than they are over a breakup with someone they thought was “the one.” For a while, I couldn’t fathom why, exactly, this might be. That is, until I researched the science behind this phenomenon—and experienced it myself.

Here are three reasons a situationship breakup might hit harder than an actual relationship ending.

1. You’re Grieving What Could Have Been

Oftentimes, situationships trigger grief over potential. Because we never got the chance to see things through with the person, we might get stuck in a “what if?” scenario.

“In my clinical work as a relationship therapist, I see situationships are often more difficult than relationships for my clients,” says Lisa Chen, LMFT, psychotherapist and founder of Lisa Chen & Associates Therapy in Los Angeles. “You’re not just grieving a person, you’re also grieving the potential of the relationship. Unlike a relationship, there’s no clean ending or story. In these situations, our brains won’t give up trying to ‘solve’ or understand something that never fully existed.”

The ambiguity, she adds, is a major reason we get stuck in our own grief.

“When a connection is left undefined, we are more in our own minds—our fantasies, projections, and anxiety—than in a defined relationship,” Chen explains. “We’re on this never-ending journey to find meaning, which keeps our attachment to this person strong…even after it ends.”

2. The Unpredictability Is Addictive in Nature

Situationships often come with high highs and low lows, which can keep you hooked for the wrong reasons. While the ending of healthy, committed relationships certainly stirs up grief, the ending of a situationship might trigger more intense emotions. This doesn’t mean you felt stronger feelings for the person. Rather, you probably just formed a toxic attachment to them.

According to Chen, this can be best described through behavioral science. 

“The unpredictability of a situationship can make the bond feel more addictive than a relationship, because of the intermittent reinforcement and dopamine hits,” she says. “In a situationship, you get just enough to stay hooked. It can feel like playing the slot machine, which can keep us pulled in and close to the other person.”

3. You’re Experiencing Disenfranchised Grief

Many people invalidate the grief that accompanies a situationship. Because the dynamic is not classified as an actual relationship, some people downplay the emotional experience of losing that connection. 

“Since the relationship wasn’t ‘official,’ your friends tend to minimize your loss, which in turn makes it harder to move on,” Chen explains.

The post Why Ending a Situationship Hurts So Much More Than a Long-Term Breakup appeared first on VICE.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

How to Know If Your Content Marketing Just Isn’t Working

Image
Content is king. And content marketing in 2018 remains a brilliant and cost-effective method for engaging with leads and customers, spreading brand awareness, and getting around the increasing use of ad-blockers . Whether it’s an email newsletter, social media post, or blog on your own or someone else’s website, people want to see your stuff. They accept it. Approve it. Whitelist it. Because it’s the user him or herself clicking on it, there are no concerns of spam complaints, or annoying the recipient, or ending up in the junk folder. It’s popular, powerful, and for all intents and purposes, perfect. If you’re online in any professional capacity, you’re already using it. Google “content marketing” and you’ll uncover millions (78,200,000 when I did it just now) of results, everything from definitions to how-to guides to case studies. You can quickly and easily pick up the how, why, when, what, and where of content marketing. Every online marketing personality and business has the...
Read more

Teclados Logitech K480 e K380 (mais: dicas de uso em iPhone, iPad e Android)

Image
Uso teclados portáteis desde meu primeiro Palm, um m100, e continuo adorando a praticidade que proporcionam aos profissionais móveis que precisam escrever MUITO. Quando alguém me vê usando um teclado externo com meu smartphone, a reação muitas vezes é de surpresa; muita gente sequer sabia que estes teclados podem ser usados não só com tablets, mas também smartphones. Logo pedem dicas de uso ou sugestões de modelos à venda, e eu imediatamente recomendo meu blog. Talvez este seja um dos motivos de você estar aqui. Da mesma forma, é recorrente a situação de leitores que chegam ao meu blog justamente para pegar dicas de uso de teclados com smartphones e tablets, principalmente recomendações de modelos ou dicas de como acentuar usando este acessório em Androids,  iPads e iPhones. Talvez esteja seja este seu caso… É para vocês que criei este post. Falarei do teclado que estou usando no momento — um modelo da Logitech — e deixarei algumas dicas de produtividade, como acentuação....
Read more

3 New Hip-Hop & R&B Songs You Must Hear This Week (9/5/25)

Image
Every week, seemingly a gazillion songs release on streaming services. From Soundcloud and Bandcamp exclusives to the endless array of songs on Spotify and Apple Music, it’s a lot to take in. Additionally, some of the tracks aren’t nearly as good as it should be. Who wants to waste their time sifting through records in fear that some aren’t very good. How can one possibly have the time to even do it? This is where Noisey has you  covered . We’re saving you time in the playlist department to narrow it down to the three most essential songs in hip-hop and R&B you should hear. This week is especially loaded. Maybe you’ll find a new favorite artist or album in the process. 3 of The Best New HIP-Hop Songs of the Week dexter in the newsagent- “Eighteen” Teenagers go through some intense existential crises. It might seem a little melodramatic, their whole lives are ahead of them, they don’t work or pay any bills. The most they’ll ever have to worry about is the social nightmare...
Read more